Single, week twenty-six. As Long as it Takes
I had a thought today that I haven’t had before. Well, more of a prayer, “If it takes years, then let it take years.”
I have been looking at the women in my life, and where they are at in their relationships with God and with guys. I want to be where they are. I want God to be more important than a romantic relationship. How am I to be a Biblical wife otherwise? How am I to be forgiving otherwise? How am I to show the people in my life Jesus’ love if I am so focused on my husband? I want to keep this mindset. It is not often I feel this way. I want to be single as long as it takes for me to be ready, to be REALLY ready, to be in a God focused romantic relationship.
I have been noticing a difference in my relationship with Jesus. It has been easier for me to talk to Him. It has been easy for me to know & to see in my mind that He is right next to me, to hear Him talk to me, and to feel His presence. It is so different and so great.
This week has been really amazing. Mostly this weekend. I had to work Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and had other plans all three days. It was very busy, and by Sunday morning I was very tired. Saturday morning before work I had prayed that God would give me energy to get through the day, and it was a great day. Sunday morning I felt a little more tired and a little more pessimistic about how I would feel throughout my shift. I was sitting on my bed, not wanting to move (probably with a scowl on my face) and God asked me “don’t you want energy today?” I was being so cranky I didn’t even want to ask, even though I knew if I tried to get through the day on my own it would not be a good day. When I got to work, I found out I was working a baby shower, and not the restaurant, so that made me happy. There was a woman at the baby shower who caught my attention. She wore a very modest outfit, as did her three girls. They stood out from the crowd. Later on I overheard that her children were home schooled. I also noticed the way she carried herself, and the way she treated her children and those around her. She was loving, forgiving, and it was easy to see she had a genuine care for people. I thought to myself “She must be a Christian.” And God said, “Well, go ask her.” “You can’t just ask someone if they are a Christian!” (*me telling God how things are aaallllways works ;p….) Anyways, I asked if she went to church (halfway following God’s leading, halfway because I was curious to see if I was right). Her face just lit up and she said yes. She explained her story a little bit, we exchanged phone numbers, and she left and I went back to work. It was such a good reminder of God’s presence no matter where I am, and that I can be “at church” and at work at the same time.
Something has been coming up a lot in my life lately. 2 Corinthians 5:17 “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” Romans 8:2 “because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death.” Galatians 2:16 “know that a person is not justified by the works of the law, but by faith in Jesus Christ. So we, too, have put our faith in Christ Jesus that we may be justified by faith in Christ and not by the works of the law, because by the works of the law no one will be justified.” Works do not save me. Works do not grow me closer to Christ. They actually pull me further from Him. If I am trying to do good things on my own, and focusing on my actions instead of focusing on just BEING with God, I will become frustrated because I don’t do good things on my own. Experience has proven that I will fail myself, but God will not fail me. When I do ignore God’s leading and mess up, I need to remember that I am forgiven, and that because of Christ and the cross, I am not defined by my sin. I have been redefined by what Christ has done for me. I am not a sinner saved by grace. I WAS a sinner, and AM saved by grace. I have been and will continue to pray that this becomes my core identity. When I messed up a little while back, I began to live again as though at my core I was a sinner. Jesus has taken that identity, defeated it, and redefined me a saint. He has done this for anyone who chooses to follow Him, and it makes me sad to think of how many Christians never hear this, or don’t fully understand it. Without this identity, I know all too well the feelings of guilt, worthlessness, and shame, and how hard it can be to fight against the lies of the Enemy.
abrupt stop? I think I ran out of things to say. Listen to this song. It’s a good one.